The Curious Affliction of Feelings
by Underworld's-Reject
Summary: A jealous Dean is…well, jealous after finding out that the old lover of Castiel is alive. They aren't even together, but he sees now that, somehow, he's gotta change that, in case Balthazar and Cas decided they wanna get back together. Slash.


Summary: A jealous Dean is…well, jealous after finding out that the old lover of Castiel is alive. They aren't even together, but he sees now that, somehow, he's gotta change that, in case Balthazar and Cas decided they wanna get back together. Slash.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything…How many times do I have to tell you?  
><strong>**AN: Currently only on season 6. Like, early season 6. …so, you know. Anyway, this is set after the events of S6- ep3, and has reference to Dean and Cas' conversation about the whole occasion thingy in S5- ep3. There's a flash back, the conversation's been changed, so that well…Cas has been with Balthazar before. So, mentions of past Balthiel, and there will be a Deistel in this fic, don't worry. Mentions of Dean/Lisa. Just a little one shot. If you are called Balthazar, I'm sorry…I have no problem with the name, haha. Spoilers for S4, kinda, and S5 and S6.  
><strong>**Warning: Swearing, slash, kissing, angst, bit of violence (maybe, but very limited), bit of sexual stuff, some sex, but not tooooo detailed. Balthy bashing and a little bit of God bashing- like the tiniest amount and it's in context with the series.**

/

Dean paced the motel room, thoughtfully. An uneasy feeling sat in his stomach, making it feel like it was doing tiny little flips. And to be honest, he was damn bloody _agitated_. Luckily, Sam was out (getting food, or something), which was good for him. As it meant he wouldn't have to attempt to explain his, what his brother would probably call 'weird', behaviour. Yeah, well, whatever. Damn Castiel. Damn angels. He didn't even know why he was so bloody bothered. It wasn't like him and Cas were together- or even remotely close to being so. Didn't stop him doing all this hoping and wishing shit though. God, he was being such a _girl._He seriously was.

Thing was though…Today had been the first time he'd seen Cas in a year, but that didn't mean he hadn't thought about him. Yeah. He had. A helluva lot. He literally hadn't been able to get him out of his head for very long at all. It wasn't that he didn't like Lisa, because he did. He _really_ did, but he'd been 'crushing' on Castiel- _an angel of the freaking Lord, for Gods sake_! - for a very long time. And after seeing him again, he just hadn't been able to stop his head from buzzing with thoughts that he'd been trying to repress. Especially after meeting Balthazar, an old (and the only) flame of his favourite little holy tax accountant. He found himself remembering the conversation that he and Castiel had when they were trying to hunt down Raphael. Seemed like forever ago.

Anyway, when Castiel had told him that he'd been with some angel dude- he'd been torn between relief (at the fact that he wasn't a freaking _virgin_) and jealousy. Mainly jealousy though. However, when he'd been told that the aforementioned angel was dead- he was certainly relieved. It may've been a little bad, but he was, because it meant that there was no chance of them 'starting anything up again.' Apparently, he was wrong. There was cause for alarm.

/

**Flashback**

"_Come on…You have been with a woman before? Or…At least an angel? Right?" Dean demanded, glancing at Castiel and aiming for casual interest with a hint of 'shock.' In all honesty, part of him was hoping that Cas had been with someone- for his sake, 'cause living that long and never havin' got any…Well, that was just sad. Alternatively, another part, a greater part, of him, felt a little sick at the prospect of someone else touching Castiel.  
>Castiel sighed, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "Dean," he protested simply.<br>"Ah, come on- what's the harm in telling me?"  
>" I have…never had occasion, okay?" Castiel responded hesitantly. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously,, feeling even more uncomfortable- because he was lying. Dean rolled his eyes, smirking at him. "I lie for a living, okay? That shit just ain't gonna work with me. You're not used to lying, so you can't pull it off," he pointed out, sounding amused.<br>"I do not wish to discuss this."_

"_Well, too bad," Dean countered simply. "There's no need to be embarrassed- it's a simple question; have you ever had sex with someone before?"  
>"Yes…" Castiel responded quietly after several moments. Dean tightened his grip around the glass of whiskey in his hand. "Ah, ha. You sly dog," he paused and waved a dismissive hand when he noticed the angel looking a little confused about the expression. "So, angel or human?"<br>"An angel," Castiel answered slowly, chucking a glare in the hunter's direction. He clearly wanted him to just stop asking questions. Dean nodded, he knew he should leave it alone, but he really didn't want to. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to know exactly who his angel was, and whether it had been a relationship, or a random angelic sexual…encounter. He also wanted to know whether there was any chance of this angel swanning in her and swooping Cas off his feet. Not that they were actually together…So he couldn't really do much. "Awesome. Attaboy Cas," he congratulated, forcing a smirk. "Anyone I know?"  
>"No, you have not met him," Castiel answered shortly, his darkening expression warning Dean to leave it alone. Dean, though, wasn't going to until all the questions he had were answered.<em>

"_Oooh,him?" Dean teased. He didn't know that Castiel was interested in dudes- actually, he hadn't been entirely sure if Cas was interested in sexual stuff, full stop- but it cheered him up a little. Not that anything would ever happen though. After all, it wasn't like Castiel knew, and he certainly wasn't gonna tell him._

"_Yes," the angel responded simply, sounding annoyed.  
>"So I don't know him, then. Meaning that it isn't Michael, or Lucifer, or Zachariah, or Raphael," Dean paused. "Which is good, because all of those possibilities are pretty gross. So…Come on."<br>"'Come on' what?" Said Castiel, frowning slightly.  
>"Who is he? And…Was it just a quick roll in the hay or were you guys together?" Dean pressed, aiming for nonchalance. He knew that the angel wouldn't entirely get the reference, but it didn't really matter. Castiel scrutinized him for a few moments, looking annoyed. He narrowed his eyes. "Why does this appear to concern you so much?" he demanded, his voice hardening a little. Pretending that he wasn't really bothered about any of it, Dean shot him a grin.<em>

"_I'm just asking," he said casually. He rolled his eyes and decided to go for a different approach. "Come on, man…If Raphael does kill you, don't you at least wanna die knowing that someone knows about your little…thing with the dude?"_

_Castiel was silent for several moments. He sighed and glanced at the ceiling thoughtfully. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that the hunter was watching him. He frowned, and turned to glance at him, just in time to see Dean avert his gaze. He shrugged slightly. He didn't know why Dean seemed so interested, but decided that his suggestion was somewhat logical.  
>"His name was Balthazar. It was in the past, quite far in the past. He and I were…Close. Friends, brothers and more. Far more than you and Sam. While you are merely brothers, we were something else. For a fair period of time. He is dead now though."<br>"Ah, right…" Dean acknowledged, attempting to keep the bitterness out of his voice. So, Castiel had been in a relationship before. Well, that more than sucked. The angel hid it well though, that he'd been with someone…Properly. It bothered Dean, the thought of Castiel and some angel dude. Together. It was semi illogical that it bothered him though. It wasn't like he owned Castiel, wasn't like his was his. Wasn't like they were together- they probably never would be, either. He quickly downed the rest of the whisky and slammed the glass down on the table with a little more force than necessary.  
>"Let's go."<br>"Where?" Castiel asked, blinking at the angry gesture that the hunter had just carried out.  
>"Strip club."<em>

**End flash back**

**/**

Like hell Balthazar was dead! Nope, he'd just gone rogue. Faked his death, and now he was back and messing around with shit, apparently. What if he wanted Castiel back? Worse still, what if Castiel wanted _him _back? Dean thumped the wall in frustration, relishing in the slight feeling of pain that danced down his hand. He wouldn't have it. He wouldn't have some stupid, slimy, British, angel dick moving in on Cas. Despite the fact that he hadn't seen Castiel for a year and that he was kinda being a dick…He was still Cas. His friend and a dude who had sacrificed everything for him and Sam. And, yes, on top of everything he, Dean Winchester, (despite it being all girly and weird,) had feelings for Castiel, angel of the lord. Not that the aforementioned angel had picked up on it, of course. Then again, why would he, when Dean had kept it under his hat and then gone off to lead a nice, normal, apple-pie, white picket fence life with Lisa?

He narrowed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. No _freaking _way was he having that Balthazar douche get with Cas. No way. He was a freaky, pompous, angel dick, with an attitude problem, and on top of the long concoction of criticisms…His name was freaking _ridiculous_!

'Balthazar…' Seriously, how did God even come up with such a douche bag name? It was almost like he had a record of the _'most unpopular names from an era before such shit was even considered.' _Or maybe, he'd just strung a random set of letters together. Either way…He was glad that God wasn't his father. Not only was he a total deadbeat (perhaps even worse than their own dad,) but he came up with some shitty names. Like Raphael, Uriel, Zachariah, Lucifer and Balthazar- to name a few.

He was in a tricky situation. He'd been crushing on an angel for like…over the last two years. What the hell was wrong with him? He should've got over this by now- especially since he'd been with Lisa for like a year. That was another thing- it was hardly fair to her that he'd been thinking about someone else throughout their relationship. An angel. An angel who didn't have a goddamn clue and could end up swanning off with some stupid, girly, posh sounding, angel dick.

He sighed in frustration and raked a hand through his shirt hair. He shook himself off.  
><em>'Get a freaking grip, you dick,'<em> he snapped at himself mentally. He was being ridiculous. He was being a girl. The solution was just talk to Cas. He didn't know what he would say, but it certainly wouldn't be all doughy-eyed, and flutter-y lashes, and sickening cooing and weeping and romantic professions of love. Hell no. Unfortunately, however… there was a chance that he may actually have to talk about his feelings. Well, shit. He sighed. That crap really wasn't his area of expertise. He'd rather just go and gank a monster. All of that _'Let's go sit in a circle and talk about rainbows and feelings and hug and dance around going 'la-la-la-la-la-la!' _was totally more Sammy's area than his. 'Cause Sammy was a girl and because he was a dick. And totally inexperienced with all of this shit. Well, not totally…He'd managed it with Lisa and for a while with Cassie and some other people. The point still stood though, this just wasn't his area. Hunting. Killing. Fighting. Drinking. Saving people. Sex. That was what he was good at.

Nonetheless, he was_ seriously_ hung up on Cas. On several occasions during his year with Lisa, he thought he'd woken up in the middle of the night to a sound that he'd come to know very well. A rustle of wings. He'd never seen anyone in the darkness though, and hadn't turned on the light, because he didn't want to wake up Lisa. Other times, he'd woken up in the night and thought he'd seen a familiar pair of bright blue eyes staring at him in the darkness. He'd blink and they'd go. He still didn't know whether he'd imagined those things. Part of him hoped he had, because it was rather creepy and a little rapey –After all, who was to say that Cas hadn't knocked him out in his sleep and had a little fondle?- but he was quite sure that Castiel wasn't a rapist. 'Least…He hoped not. He had thought, briefly, back when he was contemplating saying yes to Michael, when Cas had dragged him into that alley that he might actually try and rape him. Then again…Castiel would never do that.  
>"Gah!" He randomly proclaimed, annoyed. Why the hell was he just standing here musing about Castiel and rape? Oh right…He was stalling. That was why.<br>"Man up," he growled at himself softly. He sighed and paced the room for a few moments more, before pausing. He sat down on one of the beds and glanced up at the ceiling.

"Cas…Can ya hear me?" He tried, rolling his eyes. "Listen. I wanna talk to you about something. I know you've got shit to do, but I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. And I'm telling you, this _is _important. Not in the sense of 'we have a weird case,' or anything…But it's still important," he paused, and placed his hands behind him on the mattress, leaning back and using them to support his weight. He waited, for about thirty seconds and then sighed in frustration.

"I mean it Castiel. We need to talk. Get your feathery little ass down here when you've got a moment, would ya? And don't think you can avoid me. I'll keep on callin', and prayin' til you come down," he rolled his eyes and muttered, "can't believe I'm prayin' again- in the same bloody day," before falling silent and waiting again. He ran a hand through his hair, hoping that the angel would, in fact, turn up. Of course, he didn't have a clue what he would say to him if he did turn up, but whatever- he'd work on that. He was frustrated, and a bit confused…So he didn't imagine he'd be too nice to Cas when he first turned up (particularly not if he went and snubbed him) but, whatever. How, exactly, did you admit your feelings to someone who was not only a very good friend of yours, but also an _angel_? You would've thought that someone, maybe a prophet, would've wrote a book about shit like that! Well, unfortunately for him, they hadn't.

"Cas! Come on! This is gonna be hard enough already! I'll do this whole thing through prayer if I have to! I'd rather not, but I freaking will," he snapped, standing up again and moving away from the bed in annoyance. He sighed and reached for a bottle of whisky he'd left standing on the table, as well as glass (now empty) that he'd been drinking some from a little before Sam had left to go do whatever he was doing. He twisted the cap off and shrugged his shoulders slightly. He poured a good measure of the amber liquid into the glass, before putting down the bottle and restoring the cap. Growling in frustration he picked up the glass and took a sip a generous sip. The familiar and comforting burn of the alcohol calmed him down a little bit. There was never anything wrong with a little bit of dutch courage.  
>"I'm serious Cas!" He declared loudly. He turned around, and found himself face to face with an all too familiar angel. He blinked and stepped back.<br>"Okay, hello," he greeted simply.

Castiel studied him, frowning. He simply nodded in agreement with the greeting. He sighed, in slight annoyance. He didn't particularly want to be here. The hunter was clearly annoyedabout something though, and would've persisted. The only thing he really wanted to talk to him about was something they would never talk about. Feelings. Specifically, his own- feelings which Dean did not share. Feelings which Dean was not even aware that he had. Feelings that he hadn't initially realised he had. Feelings which he had only had once- for an angel- for Balthazar. And they had certainly been returned in that case_. And_ they had both acted on them. He narrowed his eyes slightly.  
>"What did you call me here for, Dean?" he asked.<p>

"Balthazar," Dean simply said, after remaining silent for several moments. Castiel frowned, a worried look flitting across his face.  
>"What about him? Did he come to you, Dean? Have you found more 'cases' that seem to resemble his actions?"<p>

"No. Nothing like that," the hunter said shortly. Castiel frowned, looking a little irritated- due to the general vague-ity. "Then what about Balthazar?"  
>"You said he was dead. You told me that, first time we were going after Raphael."<br>"Yes..." The angel agreed, not understanding where he was going with this. "I believed him to be. I thought much was clear from my reaction to hearing his name, and to seeing him."  
>Dean couldn't help but glare at him, partially wishing that the angel would just let him say his piece. "You wanna get back with him?" he demanded randomly.<br>"Back…where?"  
>"Back <em>together<em>, Cas! Back into a relationship with him!" Dean snapped. Castiel's expression darkened a little, and he glared at him. He didn't know why Dean was asking such a personal question, when he had not shown any feelings or interest towards him. Castiel viewed him as a friend (and obviously had very strong feelings for him), but sometimes found him absolutely infuriating. It was almost like Dean got annoyed about things that were irrelevant, and not really much of his business.  
>"Well?" Dean pressed, looking annoyed.<p>

"I do not understand why you believe such things concern you."  
>"Cut the crap! It's a simple question, with a simple answer! Yes, or no?" Dean growled, squaring his shoulders. He refused to back down. Maybe he was being a bit of a dick, but he couldn't help it. He was just too het up right now.<br>"No. I do not intend to re-establish my relationship with Balthazar," Castiel declared harshly, subjecting the hunter to a hard stare. "Why?"  
>"And what about him?" Dean persisted, ignoring his question. He wasn't entirely convinced and he so wasn't dropping it yet. Castiel narrowed his eyes.<br>"_I_ cannot speak for Balthazar. Why are you asking all of these questions, Dean? We may be friends, but you are simply infuriating sometimes."  
>"Right back at you," Dean said simply, before rolling his eyes in annoyance. He turned and paced in frustration for a few moments, before turning back towards Castiel. He studied him silently, taking in his annoyed and confused expression. "Dunno why, but I don't believe you," he said, speaking more to himself then Cas at that point.<p>

"Fine. Do not believe me then, Dean. You are being incredibly irrational, so I do not care."  
>"Course you don't, not when it's about Balthazar, eh? That old chestnut! Do you love him? Do you wanna <em>fuck<em> him, Cas?"  
>Castiel's eyes widened slightly in disbelief at the sheer audacity of Dean Winchester, and his rude and unnecessary questions. The next second his expression hardened in fury. Before he even realised what he was doing, he punched Dean square in the face. Perhaps it was not the best course of action, but this man, his friend, was being <em>insolent.<em> He had quite clearly said that he did not wish to start up his relationship with Balthazar, and yet here he was- carrying on, being inappropriate and being, yes, insolent. How dare he? Why was Dean acting like this? He did not feel the same that he did. They were not in 'a relationship'.

Dean groaned, stumbling back into a wall. "What the fuck, you dick?" he snapped. He righted himself, and glared at the angel. Next, he felt a sensation he was used to- blood, trickling out slowly from his lower lip, which was now split. Well, great. Damn angel, always managing to make his mouth bleed. He was used to being punched though. It wasn't a big deal. Castiel narrowed his eyes and shook his head.  
>"I think we are both aware that my response was justified," he said simply. He reached out and touched two fingers to the hunter's head, healing the small wound. Despite the fact that he didn't deserve it. "I do not know what your problem is Dean, but I do not wish to 'get back together' with Balthazar. I fail to understand why you are being like this and if you do not tell me what the problem is right now, then I will leave. I have better things I could be doing than trying to decipher the reasons for your current actions."<p>

"You can't go," Dean said simply, stepping back as soon as he'd been healed.  
>"<em>Excuse<em> me? Do you wish to try and stop me, Dean?" Castiel growled.  
>"No…Look, I know I'm being a dick, yeah? I know. I hear ya- about that and about Balthazar. It's just…this is difficult," Dean paused and shook his head. "And…don't punch me again."<br>"Do not give me a reason to then," Castiel shot back, before scrutinizing him. He shot the hunter a glare, silently telling him that he was not off the hook. "_What _is difficult, Dean? You are not making sense."  
>"That would be because <em>it<em> doesn't make sense! _This _doesn't make sense. And of course…It's not like you know. You can be so…annoying sometimes, Cas," Dean declared, with a sigh. Okay, he still wasn't really going about this in the right way. That was the problem- he didn't know the right way!  
>"You are a hypocrite. Do you believe that <em>you <em>have the right to stand there and call _me_ 'annoying'?" Castiel snapped, glaring at him once more. Dean sighed, he'd annoyed him again, damn it. This totally wasn't going how he'd planned. He raked a hand through his hair.  
>"I dunno, okay?" he sighed. "It's just…you don't even see!"<p>

"_What _do I not 'see,' Dean?" the angel demanded, in a voice which had taken on a rather dangerous edge. He didn't know what, entirely, he thought the hunter was implying, but either way…He believed it may be something to do with Michael, or Lucifer, of the apocalypse. If that was, in fact, the case he would do more than just 'punch' Dean.  
>"Dude, chill out," Dean said simply, rolling his eyes. He knew Cas well enough to guess the sort of shit going through his head.<p>

"Listen, I'm not talking about Michael, or Lucifer, or any of that apocalyptic crap. I mean, seriously…You don't even know how freaking grateful I am for all the stuff you did for us! I'm hardly gonna be like 'Oh, you died for us, and fought for us, risked your life and all that crap, and lost your grace. But you're a dick and I do not appreciate it at all!'" he continued, shaking his head in slight exasperation. "So there's no need for you get your _'I-am-an-angel-of-the-Lord-as-well-as-the-one-who-gripped-you-tight-and-raised-you-from-perdition-and-I-will-drag-you-into-an-alleyway-and-beat-you-up'_ voice on."  
>"I was not aware that I had such a voice," Castiel remarked wryly. Dean sighed and shook his head. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. So far, all it'd done was get them both pissed off and get him punched in the face. Then again…he was being a bit of a coward. More than a bit, actually.<p>

"Dean," the angel prompted, with a little irritation in his voice. "What is all of this truly about? What is the reason for your behaviour? You are saying things that just…do not make sense. I am unable to understand things which are illogical."  
>"Yeah, you and me both man," Dean agreed, frowning thoughtfully. "Look, Cas, I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this."<br>"But what is this, Dean?" Castiel growled, looking quite frustrated. The hunter was still being too cryptic for his liking, far too much. He doubted reading his mind would be entirely beneficial. Yes, it would probably make the situation a little clearer, but then he would have to deal with Dean afterwards. He was not even entirely sure if he wanted to deal with Dean at this precise moment. It was much too…frustrating.

"Look…I'm tryin' to tell you, okay? Just stop…making it harder. I know you ain't doing it intentionally, but…y'know, just stop," Dean said, trying to keep the bite out of his voice.  
>"Dean."<br>"Would you stop 'Dean'-ing me?" Dean suddenly demanded, looking quite frustrated. He honestly didn't understand why Cas felt the need to say his name so much. It just wasn't helping. Castiel looked a little surprised at the sudden outburst, but sighed in frustration. He took a step closer, practically radiating a demand for answers. "I thought I made it clear that I wanted to know what was going on."  
>"Yeah, message received and goddamn understood," Dean retorted, thumping the wall in frustration. He ignored the angel's frown. "This really isn't easy and I really don't now how to say this. I mean, normally I'm not in this situation. I never allow myself to be. I've only ever got close enough to two people to allow this to happen for real before. And in one case it was only for a short time, and the other it was Lisa. Thing is though, I didn't even know 'til it was too late," he mused slowly. Okay, that wasn't too bad. He hadn't given too much away and he hadn't been <em>too<em> girly or chick-flick-y.  
>"What are you referring to, Dean?" Castiel snapped, looking annoyed once more. "You seem to wish to tell me something, but you are not saying whatever it is!"<br>"I know," Dean agreed, narrowing his eyes in determination. "Okay, Cas. Here's the thing. Gah, this is gonna be so chick-flick-y," he paused and shrugged.

"I have some, er, feelings for you…Beyond that of friendship," he attempted. He couldn't help but smirk a little- at his failed attempt. And at the fact that he'd worked so hard to try and tell Castiel this and was now just gonna get rejected. It was well, it was gonna hurt really, but he'd just have to deal, wouldn't he? Amidst his musings, he missed the hurt and fury flashing across Castiel's face. Little did he know, the angel (as a consequence of the smirk) believed that his admission was no more than a joke. Furious, and somewhat devastated, Castiel briskly move so he was directly in front of the hunter. He grabbed him by his jacket, lifted him a few inches off the ground and promptly slammed him against a near by wall.

Dean groaned in a combination of pain and shock. The angel allowed him to slide down so that his feet were touching the ground, but kept him firmly against the wall.  
>"Jesus! What are you doing, Cas?" the hunter protested, trying to push him away.<br>"You are an infuriating, and insufferable man, Dean Winchester! What did you truly call me here for, to taunt me? It is bad enough that I do not entirely understand why I have these feelings for you, let alone that you do not return them! That is why I am here, isn't it? You found out how I felt for you and decided to _mock_ me!" Castiel snarled, tightening his grip. Dean grimaced and struggled against him.  
>"What? No! That isn't it at all!" he said quickly, trying to assure the angel that it was the truth. Well, damn. He thought he was joking. Hang on a minute though…Cas had basically just (in a crazy, angry and somewhat scary way) declared his love for him. Dean stopped struggling upon realising this and stared at the angel.<br>"That isn't it at all, Cas…I swear," he said softly, attempting to maintain eye contact. He was feeling a little nervous, but who could blame him? Castiel loosened his grip a little, staring straight back at the hunter, with such intensity that it almost seemed as though he was trying to penetrate his body; attempting to peer into his very soul.  
>"Then what-" Dean, shaking his head, cut the angel off.<br>"I meant what I said," he promised, the openness of his expression showing that he was telling the truth. He glanced at the angel, somewhat beseeching- hoping that he would believe him. Castiel's gaze softened, his cobalt eyes slowly filling with hope and affection. Dean smiled slightly, and carried on explaining himself.  
>"I wasn't joking. I wouldn't lie about something like this. Not to <em>you<em>. I was just trying to limit the chick-flick moment and all of that-" He broke off as the angel tightened his grip, and pressed him further against the wall. "Cas, what are you doing?" he asked slowly. Castiel simply shook his head, a smile creeping onto his face. He placed a hand on the back of Dean's neck, coaxing him forward and kissing him hard.

Dean froze in surprise, before smirking against the angel's lips; he tilted his head slightly and responded eagerly. He momentarily forgot that he was the one pressed against the wall like a girl and twisted his hands into the fabric of the angel's trench coat. Castiel chuckled slightly and deepened the kiss. Dean made a small noise of surprise, and just went with it. Holy crap…the angel knew what he was doing. He was pretty good at it too. He pushed all such thoughts (and any thoughts, really) out of his head as the lip lock continued. He quickly established that Castiel was rather…talented when it came to kissing, knowing the right movements to make, the right force to apply, the right areas to trace and holy shit, he sure knew how to use his tongue. A small, pleasant shudder shook his body, and he resisted the urge to moan as the kiss lingered in the same format- him against a wall, Castiel kinda dominating him, and him…loving it.

Whoa. This wasn't right. It was supposed to be the other way around. He stopped, and pulled his head back, breaking the kiss. He moved a hand up, resting it on the angel's shoulder. Castiel smiled, taking in the sight of the hunter's reddened lips, and eyes, which were a little wide with surprise, and currently swimming with confusion. "Is something wrong, Dean?" "Yeah," Dean said quietly. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "No. Well, nothing major. It's just…" he trailed off.  
>"What is it?"<br>"If this is happening…It isn't rolling like this, Cas. Let's swap positions. We've got it wrong; _you_ should be against the wall," the hunter announced firmly. He lightly pushed Castiel, expecting him to comply and release him, but the angel's hold didn't falter. Castiel chuckled and shook his head. "I believe this position to be fine, Dean. I have no complaints."  
>"Well…" Dean paused and floundered for what to say. He was a little shocked by the response. He struggled to free himself from the angel's grip, but it was all to no avail. "I do! It doesn't work. You should be against the wall, for godsake!"<br>"You are the one whom is currently 'against the wall,' though Dean. Thus, logic suggests that it should be you."  
>"Castiel…I'm telling you now, no freaking way. I will be not the sub in this relationship! I don't bottom for anyone!" Dean growled, glaring at him. "Now let me go, and we'll have a little switcheroo and everything will be fine."<br>"I believe you will fulfil the role of the subordinate here. You did not seem to have a problem a few moments prior to this."  
>"Why?" Dean demanded. "Why should <em>I<em> be the 'subordinate'?"  
>"I am by far older than you, and I am also by far stronger than you," Castiel said, as though it was incredibly obvious. He didn't understand why Dean seemed to be having such a problem with this. It was logical, plus those were they justifications that Balthazar had used for why he would be 'dom' and why 'You, Cassie, will be the sub.'<p>

"Dude, just get off me," Dean said with a sigh. The angel shook his head, a little irritated by his resistance. "I believe you need to relax," he said simply. He paused briefly, as he tried to remember one of the many things which he'd enjoyed whilst with Balthazar. Of course, it couldn't just be anything from the long list…It had to fit the current situation. He dipped his head and started kissing the hunter's neck, gently nipping and teasing as well. Dean tilted his head to the side slightly, giving him more access.  
>"Cas…" he protested weakly. His traitorous body started to relax a bit though, which was a bit annoying. He pulled the angel closer, and felt him smile against his skin.<br>"You're a bit of a dark horse, aren'tcha? Where'd you learn this stuff, anyway?"  
>"I do not believe that you would appreciate the answer," Castiel said simply, after pulling away from his neck. Dean narrowed his eyes, understanding instantly. Balthazar. Right. He should've known. He pulled the angel into another kiss, deepening it immediately in an attempt to gain some sense of control.<p>

Castiel chuckled slightly, slipping a hand round to cup the back of his neck. He let go of the man and stepped back a small amount, without breaking the kiss. His free hand moved to the small of Dean's back, slipping under his shirts and tracing idle but firm patterns on the soft skin. He pulled out all the stops, increasing the force and depth of the kiss, bringing forth all the techniques that he'd learnt from Balthazar. Dean, no longer at all tense, had practically melted in the kiss and the touches. He let out a small groan, half from frustration and half from…something else. He already knew, and had done for a while, that the tonsil tennis was having a reaction on them both. Here he was; being snogged against the wall by an angel, with both of them kinda hard- in what world was this natural? And in what world was he the girl? Oh well…Maybe it wouldn't be too bad…

Castiel broke the kiss, smiling slightly. Well, Dean looked…positively ruffled. He knew that the kiss and teasing touches would get him to give in. "Do you still have complaints?" he enquired, his voice a little rougher than usual.  
>"Yeah, of course I do," Dean declared, unconvincingly. The angel studied him, looking mildly amused. He nodded slightly, causing the hunter to look a bit confused.<br>"Well…I guess that is something that needs to be resolved," he mused slowly. He casually trailed a hand down the younger man's chest. Dean swallowed loudly.  
>"What, er, what you doing there?" he asked, sounding frustrated and wary. His expression didn't show it, but his eyes were conveying a sense of slight vulnerability. He didn't like all this mysterious shit. He'd rather they just snogged and all that crap again. Or….You know, did something more. He wasn't a particularly patient man, and definitely not when it came to stuff like this. Little did he know, Cas wasn't going to be holding out on him.<p>

Castiel didn't answer him, he simply lowered his hand. He reached his target, and firmly started to stroke the hunter's erection through his jeans. Dean let out a strangled gasp, thrusting his hips forwards into the touch. Castiel chuckled, continuing to carefully sweep his fingers over the denim encased bulge.

"Cas!" Dean moaned, his voice breaking slightly in a mixture of pleasure and irritation. He squirmed, glaring at the angel weakly. "Cas…Please…"  
>" 'Please' what, Dean?" Castiel asked, moving his hand away and stepping a little closer. Dean stared at him, in desperation and annoyance, yearning for more contact, more touching, more friction. "Why did you stop?" he snapped. "Come back!"<br>"I have no left," Castiel countered chuckling.  
>"You're a dick!" Dean hissed, glaring at him through eyes which had become kind of glassy.<br>"That is rather impolite," the angel chastised, teasingly tracing his erection. Dean moaning slightly, thrusting forwards, only to find the hand pulled away. He shook his head firmly, a slight tremor passing through him.  
>"Stop teasing me," he muttered, the complaint lacking much bite, but instead being full of need.<br>"As you wish," Castiel agreed simply. Dean waited for a few seconds for him to do something, _anything_, but he didn't. He cried out in frustration. He shook his head, deciding enough was enough. He moved himself forwards and thrust his hips against the angel's, craving contact. He groaned quietly in time with Castiel's slight gasp. He did it once more, closing his eyes as they both let out small noises of pleasure.

Castiel was just pleased that he wasn't complaining anymore. However, now he wanted to take things further even more than ever. In one smooth motion, he whipped off Dean's shirt, leaving him in just a short sleeved black t-shirt that he was wearing underneath. The hunter narrowed his eyes, and practically ripped the tie out from underneath the collar of the white dress shirt. His hands moved towards the trench coat, intending on getting rid of that too. Castiel, however, had other ideas. He reached out, his fingers closing around the t-shirt, he yanked and literally ripped the fabric off the younger man's chest, dropping the remains on the floor.

"Holy shit…" Dean declared quietly, flashing him a slight smirk. The angel said nothing, he lowered his head to the handprint (his own, obviously) which was on Dean's shoulder, tracing, nipping and teething roughly. Dean hissed slightly.  
>"Well, aren't you a kinky little bitch?" he teased breathlessly as he pulled the angel a little closer. Moments later, Castiel's hips, and erection, collided roughly with his own, causing him to groan and causing Cas to let out a slightly breathless gasp. He moved his mouth away from the hand print, and raised his head. He wound a hand into Dean's fair, short hair and yanked his hair back, forcing him to roughly look him in the eye.<p>

"You are quite incorrect, Dean, we have already established that it is _you_ who is the bitch," he murmured, in a low and slightly dangerous voice. Dean stared at him for a few moments, a slight shudder running through his body. He swallowed, managing to prise the hand free of his hair. "Fuck this," he murmured, before briskly slipping off the ever present trench coat, letting it fall to the ground. Castiel studied him hungrily, not protesting even in the slightest. He slipped off his own jacket, before deftly undoing his own shirt and discarding that too. The hunter grinned, pleased that Cas had joined him in the shirtless gang. He glanced up; chancing a look at the angel, and noticed the intense stare he was being given. He raised his eyebrows, but gazed back with equal intensity and hunger. It was almost like a silent command was spoken at that point, and they both started removing any and all of items of clothing. Dean took a moment to admire the angel in all his…well, naked glory, before reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out some lube and chucked it to Castiel, who caught it- glancing at him in slight confusion. "If we're, er, doing this…no way are you going in dry," Dean informed him quietly.

Castiel smiled, his eyes slowly roaming over the hunter's unclothed body. He nodded slightly. He popped open the cap, squeezing some of the lubricant onto his fingers.  
>"Are you certain that you wish to do this?"<br>"Honestly, no…But, I don't care. Just hurry up! I'm practically freaking dying here. I need…something, okay?" Dean retorted, a little irritated.  
>"Indeed you do. And I will not deny <em>you<em>," Castiel agreed simply. Ensure that the desired fingers were all slicked up; he lowered his hand, carefully sliding a finger into the hunter's entrance. Dean let out a choked gasp at the burning intrusion. He dropped his head against the wall and curled a hand around the angel's free arm, digging his finger's in. Slowly, Cas begun to move the finger, twisting and turning it carefully, loosening the muscles. The pain started to fade fairly quickly and was replaced by something much more enjoyable, pleasure. Dean moaned, arching his back. "Cas…More…" it was a somewhat garbled plea. Castiel watched him, eyes drinking in his response to the preparation. He added a second finger, twisting, stretching and scissoring firmly. Dean was soon writhing against the wall, whimpering slightly, pleading for more and muttering his name disjointedly. Just as the angel was about to add a third finger he shook his head.

"No…No more…Can't…S'enough," he stated, as firmly as he was able with his foggy and somewhat pleasure hazed mind. Secretly, Castiel was pleased. He pulled out, Dean whimpering a little at the loss. He quickly coated his erection, before grasping the hunter and lifting him off the ground. Dean gasped, quickly hooking his legs around his hips, to hold himself up.

"Fuck!" He hissed softly as their erection brushed against each other, whilst Castiel let out a quiet moan. He rested his head back against the wall, thrusting against the angel- drawing twin gasps of pleasure from them. Here he was, all picked up and ready like a girl…And he didn't even give a damn. He placed his hands onto Cas' shoulders, gripping firmly, needing something to keep him grounded before he lost it entirely. "Cas…please!" he begged hoarsely. Castiel nodded slightly. He kept eye contact with the hunter as he firmly pushed inside him. Dean cried out slightly, his grip tightening considerably. Shit. _Shit_! That hurt more than he expected. He'd had worse, in hell, he reminded himself.  
>"Dean…" Castiel murmured, gasping slightly. He didn't move however, looking at him in concern.<br>"I…Get on with it! I can take this- I'm not a freaking teenager!" Needing no more encouragement than that, the angel started thrusting at a firm, yet still somewhat cautious, pace. In moments, the pain was gradually replaced by pleasure. First it started out small, but quickly sent shockwaves which spread through the hunter's body.

"Holy shit, Cas!" he uttered breathlessly, short nails clawing at Castiel's shoulder mercilessly, leaving red scratch marks, as he writhed against him. Castiel whimpered slightly, muttering something in Enochian. He tightened his grip on the hunter, gasping quietly with every thrust. It wasn't long before Dean was sweating slightly, sweet pleas and moans falling from his lips. He muttered the angel's name, rocking against him in time with the thrusts, causing more noises and cries to tumble from their mouths. He kept clawing at the other's flesh, unable to stop himself, needing something to stop him from falling over the edge, as the firm, deep, wonderful thrusts continued. The angel forced himself to keep his eyes open, keeping up a steady pace, staring at him through foggy blue eyes, slight pants and random mutters falling from his lips.

"Cas…Cas…" Dean panted softly, almost incoherently. The mind blowing pleasure caused him to experience such a strong sense of delirium that he could barely tell which way was up and which way was down. He literally felt disconnected from his physical body, only able to focus on the feeling of Castiel, thrusting inside of him, rendering him a babbling mess. It was so beautiful and _intense_ that he actually almost wanted to cry, he didn't though. He had more pride than that. So he settled for scratching at the angel's flesh, moaning, gasping, muttering, and trying to stay afloat against the waves of pleasure. Castiel angled his hips up, thrusting harder, almost desperately. The hunter let out a disjointed cry as the thrust hit his prostrate, his vision was obscured by blackness for a few seconds, as his body convulsed slightly.

The angel whispered something over and over again, the words archaic, and his voice rough and fractured. Firmly he traced sigils on the hunter's back with his fingers, pulling him closer as he rocked against him. He growled slightly, continuing to thrust somewhat mercilessly, enjoying watching the young man come undone beneath him, whilst he too was falling apart. It was like a tornado, sweeping up every single part of them, casting out every single feeling and sensation except the ones that accompanied their current acts. It was almost as though they were feeding off on another's emotions and pleasure, their own amplified tenfold as a consequence. It didn't just feel like they were having physical intercourse… It felt deeper, like they were touching each other's very souls. The ecstasy was so intense, that neither ever wanted it to end. Truth be told, they would probably be quite content to do this forever; quiet, broken, gasps, mutters, pleas and hoarse cries ripping free from both of their lips. Their reactions were beyond their control, their bodies verbalising and expressing the pleasure however they felt. They were_ flying_, and neither wanted to go crashing back down to earth- their cries reaching a crescendo.

It felt like it lasted an age, the haze messing with their concept of time. Eventually however, they both lost control. Dean fell first, with a keening cry bursting free of his throat, as he came shuddering heavily against the angel, almost weeping in relief. It wasn't long until Castiel followed, with a hoarse, powerful noise that shattered all traces of glass in the cheap motel room, shards shattering and scattering across the room, but leaving them untouched.

He slipped out of the hunter, both of them trembling slightly. He kept hold of him, managing to use some 'mojo' to fly them both onto Dean's bed.  
>"That…That was…" Dean trailed off, unable to find the correct term to describe exactly what it had been. He moved slightly, listlessly lying against the angel's side.<br>"I know," Castiel murmured simply, pulling him closer slowly. Neither said anymore for several minutes, both of them just sprawled together on the mattress, lethargic, but incredibly pleased and sated. Dean glanced up at him, eyes half-mast.  
>"You…are simply full of surprises," he murmured slowly. Castiel chuckled, and used a small amount of grace to clean them both up, removing any traces of the mixture of fluids that had coated their bodies. He reached out, a hand languidly dragging the bed sheet half over them.<br>"As are you," he chuckled softly, running a finger over the scratches that covered the majority of both his shoulders.  
>"Sorry…" the hunter murmured, glancing at the cuts and raised scratches with a slightly sheepish grin.<br>"You needn't be."  
>"Have…you ever done that before?" Dean asked, glancing up at him through semi bleary eyes.<p>

"No, I have not," Castiel admitted, dropping a kiss on his forehead. The hunter sighed in contentment, nestling up to him- not caring in the least that it could be deemed as girly.  
>"Then how…?"<br>"I have never dominated anyone before, but I have been dominated. Through learning what stimulates you and fulfils your desires, you can apply it to others and fulfil theirs. I simply used what I had experienced and learnt."  
>"Oh…Guess that makes sense," Dean acknowledged, nodding thoughtfully. He simply couldn't stop the smile that seemed to want to take up permanent residence on his face. Castiel nodded and glanced at him, love shining in his eyes- like how a bright star would shine on a cold winter's night.<p>

"Your soul…Is simply beautiful," he paused and amended his statement. "As are you."  
>"Aww…thanks, Cas," Dean muttered, not quite sure how to react to such a thing. However, that didn't stop him from smiling like a girl again.<br>"I mean it. I have been wanting you since the moment I pulled you out of hell, and loving you for the majority of the time that I have known you."  
>"Me too…I mean, I've felt that way for, like, over two years," Dean acknowledged, moving closer to him. He paused, dozily musing over something. "If only we'd known about each other's feelings earlier, eh? Things would've been different…And maybe better."<br>"You cannot say that, Dean," the angel countered immediately. "It is not sensible to muse over how things could have happened. It easy to say, retrospectively, that things may have been 'better,' but that is not necessarily a correct assumption to make. Our feelings and relationship would most likely have been used against us."  
>"Not necessarily. Oh, I dunno. Don't get me wrong- I'm so glad we finally know and that we're…together, but all I'm saying is things could have been better in the past had we known."<br>"Admittedly, things would have been easier for us in the past. When I was…around more frequently. I apologize, as I cannot be around all of the time. However, I will always return you, Dean," Castiel promised, regret seeping into his tone. Dean nodded slowly, turning his head away and yawning.

"Don't be stupid. I know… S'okay. We'll be alright. We'll be better than alright," he promised, traces of tiredness sleeping into his voice all of a sudden. Castiel repressed a sigh. He glanced at him thoughtfully, arm snaking out and pulling him closer, furling around him gently. "Go to sleep, Dean. I will not leave you yet, I promise."  
>"Okay, cool," the hunter acknowledged softly. He pressed his cheek into the angel's firm chest and allowed his eyes to flutter shut. Immediately, and maybe with a little 'angel mojo' intervention, he started to drift.<p>

Castiel waited until his breathing evened out, a sure sign that he was asleep. He smiled slightly, a little sadly. He reached out and caressed his cheek, causing the now sleeping man to contentedly lean into the soft touch. He watched him, regret and guilt slipping into his expression. He swallowed, before sighing slightly. He was incredibly happy, about everything to do with Dean, he truly was. And yet, he couldn't stop thinking about his own actions, and the actions that he would commit. His intentions were…good, he was just trying to end the war with Raphael and put things right. However, that didn't mean that the acts and the choices themselves weren't wrong. He knew this, but he was at his wits end. He shifted slightly, resting his head lightly on top of the hunter's hair and breathing in his scent. He needed to win the war, at whatever cost, but that never stopped the guilt and despair clawing at his stomach. He wished he could be more like Dean, nine times out of ten doing the right thing. He moved his head, his lips brushing lightly against the hunter's ear, knowing he wouldn't remember the whispered words.  
>"You, Dean Winchester, are a better man than I could ever hope to be…And you must never forget that. You must never forget how right and pure your soul is. "<p>

**AN: Well…there we go. Now, I know that 'sub' is not short for subordinate. I know it means submissive, okay? And the sex-ish stuff was meant to be kinda descriptive, but not too descriptive, because I'm not too good at writing that stuff. This is my first Dom Cas, and now I simply cannot picture him as sub anymore. **


End file.
